The Lesson I Learned (A Year Ago) Today

For a year, I've wondered how today would feel. To my surprise, it mostly passed by like any other normal day. I was so incredibly busy at work that I scarcely had time to reflect on the fact that a year ago today my grandmother died. I really didn't pause to be sad or shed any tears until I was safely at home, in the kitchen with my husband. There was a moment earlier this evening, as I sat at the YMCA booth at the Hardee County Back to School Health Fair, that I saw a woman who looked so much like Grandma, that I nearly dissolved into sobs then and there. But, I held it together, like any other professional would. It has, after all, been a year.

I talked to my mom, and she had a much more difficult time today than I. She said that she kept thinking about different sweet little habits my grandma had, and how much she missed them. She said that she looked at the clock all throughout the day today and mentally figured what had occurred at that same time a year ago, when we kept watch at Grandma's bedside, knowing that she was going very soon. In comparison to my mother, I had a very easy day, with little time to dwell on such things.

But, I wish I could dwell. I wish that I had known during all of the precious moments that I had with my grandma how desperately I would want now to remember every single detail. Now, I'm falling into self-pity. And I don't want to go there. I am extraordinarily fortunate to have had her in my life for twenty-six years, and I cherish every moment of that time, even the moment when I was holding her hand at her side and watched her draw her very last earthly breath.

My perspective today is to relish every moment I have with those I love. And keep savoring my sweet memories for years to come.