Recapturing my Joy

By nature, I've always been cheerful and optimistic. I've usually been able to overcome adversity fairly easily. But, for the last few days, I've been plagued by anxiety attacks. I have been getting a tight, constricted feeling in my chest and an overwhelming sense of doom. It's been pretty scary. I've tried to pinpoint the source of my fear, worrying that I may have a chemical imbalance of some sort. I told my mother about it, and she's urged me to make an appointment with a doctor. I was reluctant to do so, because I don't want to have to take an antidepressant and become dependent upon a pill. So I've prayed.

This morning, I used the concordance in my Bible to find passages about fear. I flipped to Psalms 34:8-19.

Taste and see that the Lord is good.
Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!
Fear the Lord, you his godly people,
for those who fear him will have all they need.
Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry,
but those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing.

Come, my children, and listen to me,
and I will teach you to fear the Lord.
Does anyone want to live a life
that is long and prosperous?
Then keep your tongue from speaking evil
and your lips from telling lies!
Turn away from evil and do good.
Search for peace, and work to maintain it.

The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right;
his ears are open to their cries for help.
But the Lord turns his face against those who do evil;
he will erase their memory from the earth.
The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help.
He rescues them from all their troubles.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

The righteous person faces many troubles,
but the Lord comes to the rescue each time.

I found much comfort in this passage, and I also feel the weight of conviction. I have faith that the Lord will release me from the bonds of this fear. While I'm not a believer that God's intent is to punish me for my wrongs, I do feel that I've stepped outside of His will, and that left me vulnerable to these attacks.

You see, I've had a great deal of frustration about certain things lately. Instead of being a peacemaker, I've allowed myself to become involved in complaining and criticizing others. I haven't kept my "tongue from speaking evil." And, I haven't "searched for peace."

If I haven't felt particularly blessed this week, it's because I have not been trying to keep the peace in my life. In Matthew 5:9, it states:

God blesses those who work for peace,
for they will be called the children of God.

I've prayed for God's forgiveness, and I know I have it. I've asked Him to restore the joy to my heart, and I know He will. And I'm going to stop complaining and criticizing, and instead I will search for the good in others. And I feel that the peace of God will return to me.