Blankness

I sat down earlier with my fingers poised over the keyboard, ready to share my thoughts with the world, and realized that every last one of my thoughts had fled from my mind. I was Completely Blank. This was a new experience for me. I always have something to share. Maybe I have too much to think about to pin down one particular thing to write about this evening. My emotions cover a wide spectrum today. I am so grateful for my husband. I am so excited that we'll be reunited in three days! I am still disgruntled about the whole group paper debacle that is STILL not completely resolved. I am a little bummed about some phone calls I didn't receive today. I am cheered by a sweet card from my husband and by a birthday cake my mom baked for me. I guess all of these things together have a net effect of leaving me blank. Go figure. I suppose I will try again tomorrow.

An Economic Fairy Tale...

...Well, not quite. I have a presentation tomorrow and a test on Tuesday. If it weren't for the Group Project From Hell, I'd be doing pretty good right now...It all began so innocently...

Once upon a time, there was this grad student who took a course in macroeconomics. As hard as she tried, she could not make herself pay attention to the monotone lecture of the professor. Sadly, when it came time for the grad student to begin work on her final project, she didn't understand many of the concepts covered in class. Luckily, the boring monotone professor said that the students in the class could work together on the project! Yay for teamwork! However, the unprepared grad student found herself in a group with people who yelled profanities at one another in a different language over differing opinions about economic theory! So, the grad student found herself feeling not only as if she didn't understand the concepts but also very uncomfortable with the group dynamics. She fervently wished the project were completed and her semester finished.

To be continued...

I see the LIGHT!

Yay! I just cleared another hurdle on my way to finishing up this semester! I'm not going to complain about the fact that I had to wait up until nearly 1am to receive the tools necessary to clear this hurdle and by 5am still had not received all of said tools....I'm just gonna be content that I accomplished what I did and not hold a grudge against anyone who perhaps didn't send her section of a group project in a timely manner...Well, maybe I will for just a day or so. I don't know, we'll see this afternoon when I begin to feel sleep-deprived. That may end up having some bearing on my good nature (or lack thereof).

Anyway, after working all day and a group project meeting this evening, tonight I should be able to fully assemble my other presentation for tomorrow afternoon. At that point, I will only have one test remaining until I am finished! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

God's Timing

My mantra is "God's timing is perfect timing." It is a truth I revel in daily. If I had met my husband before I did, one or both of us wouldn't have been ready for the other. It is a comfort when I find myself wanting what cannot be at this very moment. It is the thought I try to share with others when they need comfort because of unrealized hopes or dreams. Just because something isn't occurring right now doesn't mean it won't ever. Perhaps the things that we go through in the present enable the Lord to bless us more abundantly in the future. As I grapple with my impatience, and a tinge of sadness today, I remember. God's timing is perfect timing.

I got sucked in....

In celebration of my completion of my research paper, I gave myself the night off from schoolwork tonight. As I played online, I had E! network on for background noise. I scarcely noticed as the top celebrity fashion faux pas faded into the top ten ways to survive a celebrity scandal. At some point, I got sucked in. And I'm not particularly proud of it. Don't get me wrong, I like celebrity news and gossip just like everyone else, but it just struck me as so WRONG when there is an entire television show devoted to advising people to "deny" or "blame it on someone else." Maybe I am taking it too seriously, but I've got to wonder, "is this representative of how members of our society conduct themselves?" What about truth? Is maintaining an image really more important than being a real person, complete with flaws? Since when is it a crime to be human? Are we, as consumers of Hollywood's products, forcing these actors and musicians into a position where they must pretend, deny, lie, and be someone other than who they really are? I used to think being a celebrity might be really fun, with all of the parties and pretty dresses. Now, I'm completely certain that who I am is precisely who I want to be, flaws and all. And I will own up to them, without resorting to the manual on how to survive a scandal.

This is what marriage is like...

Today, I got my first taste of what being in a marriage is like. Although I've never been what you could call a "loner," I have usually encountered obstacles, talked about them with my close friends or family, and then dealt with the obstacles by myself. Now, I have a partner in all things, even the troubles. It is going to take some getting used to...I've always felt as though my problems were just that, MY PROBLEM. It is very reassuring to know that my husband will stand right beside me and lift me over any hurdles I must jump. When I am weak, he will be the strong one. I can't express how grateful for him I am!

Rather close to home...

The tragic events that unfolded at Virginia Tech this week have hit very close to home. This university is less than a three-hour drive from my hometown. I know many Hokies fans. It is the type of place, much like where I'm from, where you don't ever imagine anything like this ever occurring.

But it did. And a number of people are pointing fingers and assigning blame. I was one of them. My initial reaction was "why didn't they put the entire campus on lock down?". As we find out more about the events that took place, it seems that everyone in authority acted to the best of their abilities. It seems rather ridiculous to assign guilt in the face of the sheer loss of life that has taken place. Instead of searching for flaws and pouncing upon possible missteps in the actions of the authorities, we should devote a great deal of prayer for comfort to the families of the victims.

Another loss that I find to be distressing is that of school as an institution in which people seek knowledge and find it, without fearing the loss of life. Yesterday, I found myself feeling vulnerable as I walked across my own college campus. I am saddened by the knowledge that I am undoubtedly not alone in this experience. I wonder if this nagging worry will plague me daily when I embark on my career as a teacher. I wonder how the teachers and students at Virginia Tech will ever be able to walk through the doors of their beloved institution again without experiencing the horror anew. We should pray for them, too.

It would seem that this is a time when troubles and sadness are plentiful, answers are few, and comfort is being sought by many. My prayer is that those seeking answers and comfort turn to God, for He alone can bring solace to the grieving.

Take a look!

I created a photostory of some of our wedding photos. Please feel free to check it out.

Click Here to go to the photostory!

The Last Time We are Parted

I put my husband on a plane to return to Florida early this morning. It was even harder to watch him walk through airport security than it was for me to actually be the one to leave. We didn't shed any tears at the airport this time...we had already done so hours before when we woke up and realized that it was our last morning together for a while. We are comforted, though, by the knowledge that this will be our last separation ever. The next time we see one another, we will not have to part!

This weekend that we spent together was amazing. We laughed until we cried. We stared into each other's eyes. We held hands everywhere we went. Never has a girl ever felt so cherished. I get to be with this man for the rest of my life! We are going to start a family together! Sometimes I still have to pinch myself to be convinced that I really have been this blessed. If I ever manage to show my husband how much he means to me, I will feel my job is complete. As it is, words are inadequate and there is no gesture or act that can convey the depths of my emotions for him. All I can do is remind him daily that I thank God for him and consider myself especially blessed.

What a beautiful day!

Today is the first day in quite a while that I didn't have to wake up by any certain time. As I went to bed last night, though, I knew that I wouldn't be able to stay asleep very long because of my excitement for today to begin. Sure enough, I woke up at the very time that my alarm normally goes off. I rolled over and heard birds chattering and the sun was shining brightly through my window. I thought to myself, "Good! The sun ought to shine extra brightly today." In a few hours, my smile is going to shine brightly, too. I will be grinning from ear to ear with joy overflowing from being reunited with my husband! What a beautiful day this is!

No Roadblocks Ahead!

All of the stressful roadblocks have been removed from my path to wholehearted enjoyment of my husband’s visit this weekend. Between my frantic, ceaseless (almost) work for the week on school assignments and the wonderful news I received today from one of my professors extending a deadline for a revision of our research papers, I feel lighthearted and free to fling myself into enjoying my time with Matt with wild abandon! It has been far too long since I last saw him, and my heartbeat is rapidly accelerating even now as I look forward to tomorrow evening. Obviously, the Lord heard my prayers this morning as I pleaded for the ability to accomplish all of the necessary tasks before me today and elected to inspire my professor to extend our revision deadline. Thank you, God, for allowing me to be able to spend this last day before my husband’s arrival engaged in wonderful anticipatory daydreams!

God's Work of Art

I went to church today and the message was all about how God takes us in our brokenness and makes us into a masterpiece, and how that was made possible through the broken body of Jesus.

I had never thought of myself as particularly broken, but I suppose in many ways I am. What the sermon really caused me to think about was my grandmother and the way that Alzheimer's disease broke her body and mind. It's only natural that I would have cause to remember my grandma on Easter Sunday, because absolutely every memory of Easter involves her in some way. In fact, she was the very first person to tell me about Jesus and what Easter signifies. This is the first year without her, and I didn't expect it to be so hard...

Back to the theme of brokenness...as my grandmother was broken, God worked through her to open my eyes to His love for me. This Easter was the first year that I truly could say that out of brokenness, God has created a masterpiece in me. And I know that my grandmother is smiling down at His handiwork right this minute.

God's Gift

I would like to think that I take the time on a daily basis to reflect and express thanks to the Lord for His wonderful gift of eternal life to all of His children. Too often, though, I hurry through my day and neglect to consider His generosity and sacrifice.

Easter is a time when most of us pause and actually do consider the death and resurrection of Jesus for the salvation of us all, or at least I hope so. It is my prayer that children and adults alike are able to see beyond the spring blossoms and pictures of bunnies and colored eggs to the love that is the truest and most beautiful ornament to have ever decorated this earth.

My soul rejoices as I think upon the absolute faithfulness of God to have sent His son Jesus as a perfect sacrifice to atone for all the sins of mankind forever, creating a way for all of us undeserving sinners to be reconciled and able to live in His presence for all of eternity! Oh the love He has for each of us! My prayer this day is that each and every person who reads this takes a moment to think about how much he or she is loved by God. And if you don't know what God has done in preparation to welcome you into His presence, feel free to ask me to share with you that which I know about how blessed it is to be a child of God, made pure through the blood of Jesus Christ.

One month ago...

...I married the man for whom God created me. I am stunned to realize that it has been a month since we joined our lives before our Father and a small number of our loved ones, and nearly that long since we were last together. Waking up and realizing that was somewhat bitter-sweet for me. Intensely sweet because my amazement that I am married to such a wonderful man is still strong and fresh. A little bitter because we are separated by so much physical distance...

Today actually ended up being a really great day. I worked for a few hours this morning before heading to the dentist. (Ok, so that's not the great part.) After the dentist, I headed up to the adult day care center where I volunteer on Thursdays. I was anxious to get there because I wasn't able to go last week under the crushing weight of my schoolwork.

Once I was there, I was pleased to see many familiar faces and a couple of new ones. My fellow with cerebral palsy was there. I spent most of my time with him today. We played our game of him throwing the tennis ball and me chasing after it. His joy lit up my day! And, he seemed to have improved a little in his ability to throw in my general direction, and I even managed to actually catch the ball a couple of times! Later, I discovered his interest in taking piles of children's puzzles and restacking them. He took great satisfaction in moving each puzzle from one pile to another. We did this for an hour or so, and were still immersed in our activity when his family came to collect him. To my delight, he waved at me when I told him goodbye, which I'm told is a rarity!

To top off my great day, I decided to go to my husband's website as I do on a nearly daily basis and found that he had posted the first set of photos from our wedding day! I had no idea that he had done that...it was a very sweet surprise! It makes me impossibly even more thrilled that I married him one month ago.

Click Here to view our photos on MattRadio.com!

Just what I need...

I haven’t called Em yet, but I am fervently hoping she isn’t busy tonight. I NEED BEER NIGHT! I have been really good. I turned in my methodology section of my research paper today. Granted, not all of my work is complete, but with all the stuff floating around in my head, my brain can use a few hours of vacation. A couple of hours off from schoolwork. A brief time to not worry about how all of the pieces will come together. A solid block of time to hear all about the goings-on in someone else’s life, nothing about my own….I want to play photo hunt vacantly while sipping on beer my husband would balk at drinking. (Yeah, he’s a beer snob!) I can’t wait to munch on soakies! I don’t, however, intend to indulge my recently abandoned nicotine addiction. (On that matter, I intend to remain resolute.) But as far as rewards go, I think a night with a good girlfriend, drinking our fifty-cent beers as is our Wednesday night tradition, is just what I need.

ANYTHING for my husband!

Have I mentioned that I am the LUCKIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD?! You may think that I am merely absorbed in the "honeymoon phase" of my marriage, to which I would disagree on the grounds that most honeymooners at least have the privilege of living with their new spouse, but I think that my marriage is the stuff of which dreams are made. I've always considered myself to be a kinda nice girl, but for my husband, I am willing to go the extra mile, if it makes his day better. And he has demonstrated that same devotion to me, over and over and over again.

Thank God for my wonderful partner for life! Please Lord, help us continue to put one another's needs above our own.

Goodbye, beer night....

I am going to have to be very self-disciplined in the coming weeks. If I let things pile up like I did just a short time ago, I will be risking my mental health. I resolve to be proactive and not reactive. I resolve to get things done before I reward myself for doing them...sometimes I reverse the order, 'cause I figure it doesn't hurt anything really. But, there will be none of that! Beer night is only for girls who have done their methodology section of their research problem, began work on the macroeconomics project, completed their intervention notebooks, posted their concept maps online, and finalized all of the arrangements for their receptions. Pray for me that I can overcome my natural tendency to do those things I enjoy first.